


Friends In Higher Places

by WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Established Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, First Meetings, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Sad, Sad Han Jisung | Han, well... they were
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:41:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28019436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken/pseuds/WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken
Summary: This is the story about how Felix and Jisung meet on the rooftop of the dorm building, sharing why they are there on a cold winter evening.One boy ends up walking away happy and relieved.The other…Well.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 4
Kudos: 82





	Friends In Higher Places

**Author's Note:**

> I was scrolling through my fic file and saw this one was almost finished so I decided to finish it right now.
> 
> I did not put it in the Minsung series because Minho is only mentioned so it didn't feel like it fit in there.

When Jisung trudges up the stairs, heavy boots echoing through the stairwell and large jacket rustling, he expects the be the only one still awake. The last time he had checked the time it was one in the morning and it’s a Tuesday so it is very likely that everyone is asleep, as they should.

So he doesn’t expect to see a guy sitting on the flat roof when he gets out of the brightly lit stairwell. He isn’t used to seeing other people here because they actually aren’t allowed to be here, but they have long since removed the police tape so there’s nothing really stopping them. 

Jisung has two options; to turn back around and come back later even though it would give him room to reconsider _again_ , or walk over and make conversation. Maybe it will work a miracle.

His mind vaguely offers him a third but Jisung isn’t heartless.

So option number two it is.

‘’What brings you here?,’’ Jisung asks as he plops down next to the guy with a groan, the concrete hard and cold. He has never had much of an ass so there is little cushioning.

The guy flinches hard and when Jisung turns to look at him he sees frantic wiping at his eyes and there is a gross sniffle, one that makes Jisung grimace a little. 

‘’Nothing,’’ the guy mumbles and Jisung can see that he kinda wants to get up and leave, but not _really_.

You know… maybe Jisung can try and get some last-minute karma points to ensure he will have it a bit easier in the next life. 

‘’The tears tell me otherwise,’’ Jisung remarks softly as he pulls out a lollipop out of his pocket. He offers it to the guy even though it’s the only one he has left. 

The guy snorts shyly and shakes his head, gesturing for Jisung to keep it for himself. It’s a little relieving because Jisung loves sweets and he had especially saved his last strawberry lollipop for a special occasion.

Oh and a special occasion it is, all right.

‘’Anyways, spill,’’ Jisung presses as he struggles a little with the wrapper, ‘’Get if off your chest. I’m not going to tell anyone,’’

His brain provides he doesn’t even _have_ anyone to tell, not anymore. The sting is painful but he can ignore it.

He sees the guy bite his lip from the corner of his eyes and he lets him think a little longer, focussing on his features instead. Jisung thinks he has seen the boy around before, the freckles quite memorable in a place where no other person has those. They look pretty and he’s a little jealous. He’s always been jealous easily. 

_’’But my Hannie is prettier than anyone else,’’_

He swallows down the sudden lump in his throat and pops the lollipop on his mouth, waiting patiently.

‘’It’s pretty lame but I had a fight with my… _best friend_ ,’’ the guy admits and Jisung just hums, not commenting on the odd lilt in the other’s voice. 

He gets it but even though he does, he doesn’t want to pry.

‘’He always get really upset when I use foundation, says that I don’t need it, but he just doesn’t get it. I mean, look at these gross dots all around m-,’’

‘’He’s right,’’ Jisung cuts off before the boy can continue talking down on himself. 

‘’Excuse me?,’’

‘’The freckles,’’ Jisung elaborates, waving his lollipop around, ‘’They’re pretty. Don’t call them gross dots,’’ 

The other looks a bit shocked for a moment, a little apprehensive, so Jisung points up to the sky.

‘’See all those stars? And all the constellations?,’’

The boy nods and then Jisung brings his hand down and dares to gently tap the boy’s cheekbone, ‘’To me they are the same. You have been blessed with your own set of stars and constellations, going with you everywhere you no matter the time of day,’’ 

Jisung lets his arm drop down again and tries to smile at the boy. It’s difficult and stiff and it actually hurts a little, a testimony to the fact that he hasn’t smiled in a couple of weeks.

‘’You really have a way with words,’’ the guy finally comments, small smile on his lips and a few last tears leaving his eyes before he perk up, ‘’I’m Felix,’’

Jisung hums and tries another smile. It’s not easier than the first one.

‘’Jisung,’’

Felix’s eyes turn into pleasant crescents, ‘’Nice to meet you Jisung, despite the not so nice circumstance,’’

That’s an understatement for Jisung. ‘Not so nice’ doesn’t even begin to cover it. However, Jisung nods like he agrees and turns back to the sky above them.

There’s no pretty full moon or anything, just about halfway filled. Its underwhelming and a bit upsetting. Maybe he should’ve waited a little longer so that he had at least the moon. 

There is a long stretch of silence and Jisung would almost forget the other boy was there, if not for the occasional sniffle or rustling of clothing.

‘’So why are _you_ here?,’’ Felix mumbles when Jisung is already almost through his lollipop, shifting his body until he’s fully turned to Jisung, ‘’You look tired,’’

Felix gently reaches out and places his hand on Jisung’s knee. There’s an ache in Jisung’s heart and his eyes suddenly sting but he does what he does best; he scoffs, wiggles his brows and gives the other his best smirk.

‘’Wouldn’t you want to know,’’ he taunts before putting the lollipop back in his mouth.

Felix huffs and rolls his eyes, ‘’Classic. But it’s only fair after I told you all of my funky secrets,’’

Jisung shrugs his shoulders and pops the candy out of his mouth again, ‘’Fair enough,’’

He doesn’t follow up though, not for a long while and all he can think off is how it seems like Felix is genuinely interested, like he is really ready to listen to whatever Jisung has to say. It’s a bit new, especially coming from a stranger and Jisung says to hell with it. Maybe it will give him a little peace before he goes. He’d like that.

‘’My boyfriend-,’’ he hesitantly starts before his eyes fall on the simple piece of jewellery around his ring finger, cheap and ill-fitting, but he loves it dearly, ‘’ _Fiancé_ , jumped off this very rooftop last month,’’

It’s the first time he speaks those words and honestly, it feels like he is lying. He isn’t, but he’s only just started to grasp the reality of it all. His head has been oddly woozy, the intensity even worse after seeing the flames roar behind a tiny panel, and most of the time he feels like everything is just a really fucked up dream.

He remembers standing there all alone with just an employee, the man looking at him with pity in his eyes despite probably setting bodies on fire multiple times a day for a job. Jisung remembers the awful feeling of being alone and the itchy but silent tears and how _cold_ he had been while his love got burned to a crisp.

Jisung stops himself before he gets in too deep. He didn’t want to focus on what had happened but on the here and now and the fact that he was going to see him again really soon.

He expects a rather dramatic reaction from Felix; a sharp gasp, a shocked look, a lot of misplaces apologies, maybe even something along the lines off ‘he’s at a better place now’.  
Those don’t come.

Felix keeps silent - probably to give Jisung the space to go on – and carefully reaches out to grab onto his free hand. The latter now notices Felix’s hand is small and soft, but incredibly warm so he doesn’t bother pulling away. 

He feels the words pushing against his tongue, trying to get him to let them all out but he is stubborn. Once he makes up his mind, there is little that can sway him. It is a quality that had managed to get him so far, what had pushed him to make things work between them despite their terrible environment…

It’s what had made him brave enough to try and start a new life with Minho.

But all it takes for the dam to break is a gentle caress of a thumb against his knuckles.

It starts with his eyes welling up. Then his lower lip starts to tremble, followed by his brows furrowing and lips parting.

‘’It’s okay,’’ Felix whispers as he squeezes his hand and an ugly sob escapes from Jisung. 

Jisung hates crying in front of others, strangers even more so, but he has already started and its like all the pain and anger and despair hits him all at once. It’s horrible and scary and all he can do is cry loudly, throwing his free arm over his eyes and gasp for air.

Felix doesn’t speak, neither does he pull him into a hug, and Jisung is fine with that. 

He does however end up with his head in the boy’s lap, fingers carding through his hair in a soothing manner. He’s stopped crying a little while ago and even though the worst of the pain is gone, there’s a steady ache. 

‘’You should go talk to him, you never know when the last time will be,’’ Jisung whispers as he looks Felix in the eyes, throat raspy and dry

Felix nods and lets his hand slip away, ‘’I think I should. Thank you, Jisung. And my condolences once again,’’

Jisung just pushes himself up and watches as Felix gets on his feet, a hand on Jisung’s shoulder.

‘’Are you going to be okay? We can hang out some more if you want? I’m having a little get-together with some friends tomorrow, you should come. Feel free to drag someone with you. We’re all about the more the merrier,’’

For a split second Jisung contemplates accepting the offer, tries to see in his head how that would work out. They clearly live very different lives – from what Jisung has caught up on – and he doesn’t think he will fit in Felix’s. He never fits into anyone’s life. Minho had been the exception, but that had been because he had never fit into anyone else’s either. 

Except Jisung’s.

Jisung tries a little more but he just really can’t see it and he shakes his head.

‘’I’ll be fine. Thanks for the invitation though,’’

Felix seems to hesitate for a second and Jisung thinks that maybe the boy has figured it out, but then there is a little smile again.

‘’Okay,’’ he replies, ‘’We should exchange numbers though,’’

Jisung mentally winces, ‘’My phone died a couple of days ago and I still need to get a new one,’’

No he doesn’t. Neither does he have the money, so he guesses it works out. 

‘’Oh, no worries!,’’ Felix perks up, digging through the pockets of his coat until he pulls out what seems to be eyeliner, ‘’Give me your arm,’’

So much for that excuse.

It hurts a little bit because it’s an actual kohl pencil – who the fuck even uses those anymore? – that clearly needs to get sharpened again because an edge of wood is kinda scratching his arm, but the guy is done soon enough and Jisung is staring at a long series of numbers written on his arm.

For some reason he thinks about shouting as a five-year-old Jisung hides under the blanket, thinks about empty alcohol bottles and a crying mother, thinks about shady jobs and too many scars, about spray-paint and running, about returning late and finding the house cold and empty and dirty on a regular basis…

He thinks about one becoming two during those vandalising acts, thinks about a dingy apartment that slowly starts to feel more like home than his own home, thinks about airy laughter, beautiful eyes, warm hands and whispered promises, loving kisses and feverish touches…

And for a split second, Felix’s backside morphs into someone-else’s as he waves goodbye and almost skips to the door.

‘’The least you could have done was take me with you,’’ Jisung whispers to himself as the boy’s figure gets further and further away. 

Then the door closes and he’s on his own again.

He sits there for a couple of seconds longer until the strawberry on his tongue grows nauseating and he carelessly throws the candy on the floor, pushing himself up from the cold floor and walking up the edge of the building.

The wind seems a little more dangerous there and Jisung’s fear of hights plays up a little when he leans to look down over the edge.

It’s not that long of a drop, but clearly it is more than enough to shatter a skull and mangle limbs until they are unrecognisable. Jisung would know, he has seen it first-hand, one of the reasons he is unable to close his eyes at night.

Because when he does, he can see himself running around campus, phone glued to his ear and a scrappy note in the other. He can see how he rounds the corner and stops dead in his tracks. He can see the phone slipping from his hand as he sees blood splattered all over the ground. Worst of all, he can hear his own heartbroken scream and his knees landing next to the bloody body with a thud.

He can _feel_ the last bit of warmth leaving despite holding on tightly.

Jisung lets out a shaky sigh and slowly shrugs off his - _his_ \- leather jacket. He hugs it to his chest for a little, burying his face into the heavy fabric. It still wears the smell of cheap air-freshener and vanilla candles. 

It smells like home.

But what makes home, well, _his home_ , isn’t here anymore. Jisung doesn’t have a home anymore.

And it’s painstakingly clear that the world moves on and functions perfectly, not caring one bit about how Jisung’s last bit of happiness had been ripped away from him. That makes him feel smaller than ever and he realises it really has been the last straw. 

There’s only so much one can take.

Jisung thinks he has taken enough to last him a couple of lifetimes.

He throws one last look at the ring and kisses the cold metal, ‘’I’ll see you soon,’’

**Author's Note:**

>  _‘’Are you acquainted with someone named Han Jisung? Male, twenty-one years old, blond hair?,’’_  
>  ‘’Eh yeah, I do know him,’’  
>  _‘’Were you two close?,’’_  
>  ‘’No, not really, I think. Met him yesterday night. Why?,’’  
> A short silence.  
>  _‘’I am sorry to inform you about his death. Mr. Han Jisung has passed away at around two o’clock last night,’’_  
>  Another silence.  
>  _‘’Could you maybe come down to the hospital to give a final confirmation it’s him? We tried calling the only emergency number listed, belonging to one Lee Minho, but the number seems to be no longer in use. There also isn’t any family listed in his phone and we -_


End file.
